Shift anger into passion by fighting fair
When it comes to the holidays, we have great expectations about experiencing joy, fun and unconditional love, yet often it’s a time of stress as we attempt to meet those lofty ideals. These tensions can often erupt into arguments with our significant other.
Here are a few suggested Rules of Engagement which can assist you both in shifting the holiday tension into holiday passion:
Stay on the issue – Do not bring up issues that are unrelated to the topic being discussed. It’s very important to resolve the issue being argued before moving on to another one.
Avoid using absolutes – Words used to describe your partner’s behavior such as “always,” “never,” “forever” and “constantly” are inflammatory by nature and will tend to provoke anger. Words such as “sometimes,” ”‘often” or “occasionally” are usually a more accurate description of the frequency of a transgression.
Don’t rehash the past – It’s not fair to use resentments from the past as a battering ram to beat your partner into submission. The past is over and gone so let it rest in peace.
Use timeouts – If anger escalates out of control, it’s important for one of you to call a timeout. Walk away from the argument until you have both calmed down.
Never use violence – Anger is a powerful emotion, and if you get to a place where you’re pushing each other around physically then it’s time to immediately walk away and defuse the situation. There is never a justification for using any physical force on your partner.
Avoid verbal abuse – Calling your partner obscene names or using derogatory statements are aggressive acts of emotional abuse. Criticize the action or behavior but not the total person.
Stop raising your voice – It’s natural to have a little intensity in your voice when you’re having an argument but excessively raising the volume can cause your argument to escalate into a full-fledged battle.
Remember the love – No matter how heated the argument, remember that the person you’re feeling angry toward is the person you love.
With both of you agreeing to the Rules of Engagement, the only fireworks going off will be in the bedroom.